Well, my opinion...
Music: kinda of outrageous and cheesy, I didn't think it fit at all
Art: could definitely use some work. Looks like it was drawn by a 10-year-old
Story: what the heck is going on? XD
Personally, I think it seems like you have an idea, but you just did a sub-par job at executing it, not to sound snobby or anything :P
Better luck next time. :D
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